FIND YOU ON MY KNEES

2 TIMOTHY 1:7

FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER AND OF LOVE AND OF A SOUND MIND.

Hi all. I am sorry I have not written anything in so long, but I promise I have a good explanation as to why that is. But before I begin, let me just say: it has been almost a year since I have written anything,, so I may be a little rusty, so if I have any spelling or grammar errors, I do apologize LOL (Laugh out Loud).
OK where do I start? I guess ill start from the beginning.  I don’t know if any of you remember this, but last year, I had mentioned, I had been struggling with stomach issues, for almost four years!!! well those stomach issues had become much worse!!. I think it was a weekend in November, I had planned on going to see my favorite Christian singer and friend, Beckah Shae, in concert, and the morning of the concert, I woke up sick, with what I started calling, one of my, “stomach attacks”.
I didn’t even want to go to the concert, that’s how bad I felt, and I was a little concerned, because for some reason, I felt like this attack was worse than they had been in the past, because usually, if I fought long and hard enough, I could kind of snap myself out of it, but no matter what I did this time, I wasn’t feeling any better.
My mom had convinced me to still go to the concert though, because she knew if I missed Beckah Shae’s concert, I would have regret it. Everyone kept telling me, I was just getting sick from being so excited about seeing Beckah Shae. Now don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love Beckah Shae, but I knew me being sick had nothing to do with her
Honestly, I would get so annoyed, because that’s the excuse people, would always tell me,when I would get sick. They would say: oh you’re not sick, your just excited LOL (Laugh out Loud) , well not only do I know my own body, but I know me mentally and emotionally and I have always been very good at handling stuff mentally and emotionally, and I just knew this was never a mental or emotional issue, this was a physical issue!
Like I said, I did end up going to see Beckah Shae, and I did have a great time, even though I was sick, but it was so funny, because Beckah Shae’s husband took some pictures of us and I had on this Grey shirt, and when I seen these pictures I started laughing, because when I looked at the picture, I am so Grey that I match the color shirt I’m wearing. I will show you all the picture in my next blog LOL (Laugh out Loud).
Beckah Shae sang for half the concert, than another group of people, I think around my age, sang the other half, the group was, I think, called Praise-Apella, they are very talented people, I suggest you all pick up their CD.  Anyways during their half of the concert, Beckah Shae was so sweet, she sat next to me during the rest of the concert, but I was so sick, that it became kind of comical to me LOL (Laugh out Loud)
Because here she is in her cute little concert clothes, and I’m sitting next to her in this sanctuary, filled with all these people and all I kept thinking was, OH SWEET JESUS PLEASE!!!! do not let me puke all over this poor girls clothes and in front of all these people LOL (Laugh out Loud)
Wait the story gets better LOL (Laugh out Loud). At one point I finally whisper to her and my mom, I have to get out of here, and so my mom says: OK, and she goes to take me out, and of course once again, Beckah Shae, being the sweetheart she is, would not just let us go out there to deal with everything on our own.
She grabbed my giant wheelchair with oxygen and all and started pushing me out of the room her self and even though I was sick. I couldn’t help but laugh for a second, because as she was pushing me out, you slowly seen the whole sanctuary, especially the kids, slowly turning their heads, looking at us, like hey! what the heck are those crazy people doing with Beckah Shae! LOL (Laugh out Loud).
Even though I had been sick, and that night did not go exactly as planned, I was still very thankful and blessed, to have had that night and once again, I have to thank Beckah and her husband for being so sweet and making me and my parents feel so welcomed. I don’t mean any disrespect to any other Christian artist out there, but I truly do not think, they would have done as much as Beckah Shae did, I have met a lot of people over the years and none of them have been as kind as Beckah and her husband.
I mean really, what big time singer do you know, Christian or not, that would help walk a sick kid out of the room and try to care for them? I cannot speak for any of you, but I can speak for myself, and like I said: I have met a lot of people over the years and none of them have gone out of their way like she has.
Honestly after that night, excuse my language, but I went through HELL I kept getting sicker and sicker and sicker and still no Doctor could figure out why.  Me and my poor mother, both, spent close to three months sleeping in our living room.  I could not sleep in my own room, or bed, because any time I feel nauseated, I must have someone standing by my side to watch me, because if I go to throw up and am alone, I will CHOKE TO DEATH!!!, because of the fact that I cannot sit up. So whenever I’m nauseated mom stays up all night. She is the only one that fully knows how, and is fully comfortable handling me.
During those times I will admit, it can get a little scary for me, I am extra careful, and I know my moms the only one that can fully handle it all, so I also am the most comfortable when she’s around, and pretty much beg her to stay by my side during those times. So because of that, me and mom made the living room in to our bedroom for two or three months. Two weeks before Christmas, I started to violently throw up bile. I never even knew it was physically possible for someone as small as me to throw up as much as I did, it started to get pretty scary!!
From the end of November, to the beginning of February, I had barely slept, nor had I ate anything. So than of course, Because I had not eaten, and yet was throwing up, I instantly was becoming severely dehydrated.  So my parents kept having to rush me to the Emergency room. The Emergency room, would of course admit me, and would run, test after test after test, every time I would go, but nothing was ever showing up on those tests, actually, some of the tests were even coming out better than they had in years.
Of course because all my tests were coming out normal, after a while some Doctors started accusing me of being depressed, they said: the O.I (Osteogenesis Imperfecta) was probably starting to get to me mentally, because the disease is such an awful disease, they had continued to say: basically, that everyone with O.I (Osteogenesis Imperfecta) goes through depression, and that was probably, what was happening to me, and they suggested that I should think about seeing a psychiatrist. Basically in their opinion, I was mentally making myself physically sick LOL (Laugh out Loud).
Every time I heard that crap and that’s exactly what it was, “crap”, was such a joke to me and very offensive, because that is such a false statement, that most people with O.I (Osteogenesis Imperfecta) are depressed.  I know and have talked to many people with this disease, and they are the most positive, strong-willed, inspirational, spiritual, outgoing, happy and most joyful people you will ever meet. Most of them have the same type of personality and frame of mind that I have.
I was very blessed, because even though, I had met a few Doctors, that had accused me of being depressed.  I had an amazing primary Doctor that not only listened, cared, and believed in me, but he also trusted mine and my moms word, and opinions. No matter how insane things had started to get, he never gave up on me, he was always fighting for me.  I will always be thankful to him for everything he’s done over the years, I am so thankful GOD brought him in to my life, because I really and truly believe I would not have the quality of life that I have if it were not for him.
This sadly, was the first Christmas (ever) that I was in the hospital.  Christmas eve night, I felt one of my, as I call it, “stomach attacks” coming on, and I told my mom, Oh no, I think I’m going to be sick for Mira’s (my niece) first Christmas. Mira is my only niece and my parents only grand kid, and so to be sick on her first Christmas, was a hard one for me, because I felt like, I ruined her first Christmas, and it just made things even worse knowing, I had never been sick on Christmas before, never ever!!!, so it was kind of like awe man of all Christmases why this one?.
I was admitted in to the hospital Christmas night.  Just in the past three months, this was my third time being admitted for the same exact thing, it started getting depressing when I realized, I not only knew the nurses well that were on the main floor, but I now, was also getting to know, the Emergency Room nurses, just as well, that became a little depressing LOL (Laugh out Loud).
So after my third time of being admitted and released, with no new, news as to why this kept happening. My body had pretty much had it at this point, and I had no clue what to do, all I kept thinking was, GOD I cannot live the rest of my life-like this, because you also have to remember, every time I went through this, I was also breaking every bone in my body, from throwing up, and the worse part was, because I was throwing up and could not hold anything down, I could not even get my pain medicine down, so I also was dealing with all my broken bone pain.
Two weeks after Christmas, I was sick again, and this time, it was worse than ever before, I just would not stop throwing up!! in just a matter of six hours, I probably threw up more than thirteen times! for my little body that’s a lot.
So my Doctor, this time, I think realized, not only was this getting worse, but I think he could also tell, there was not much more my body could take, and we had run out of tests to run, so he said: OK I think its time we talk about doing an Exploratory Operation, but the thing was, even though, me, him and my mom, all agreed it needed to be done, getting a G.I Doctor or a Surgeon to agree to it, was another story!!
Because you see, they don’t even like to do Exploratory Operations on healthy people. So to do one on someone like me, they like to at least have something show on x-rays or C.T Scans, so they have something to go on, because usually when nothing shows on these special C.T Scans, it means the odds of them finding something in surgery, are slim to none. So most of the Doctors, were not willing to take the risk of surgery.
Surgery for me is a huge risk normally, because of my many health issues, and that type of surgery was even a higher risk, because where they had to go in to my stomach, is right where the tubing is to my shunt, and if they pushed to deep, they could have cut right through the shunt tubing, and there was also a huge risk of infection and so a lot of the Doctors just felt, those were all way to many risks.
So when I was admitted this last time, my Doctor said to me, if we and really, if you (meaning me) wanted an Exploratory Operation done, than we are all going to have to work hard to talk them in to it, and boy was he right!!! LOL (Laugh out Loud). That week, I seen more than four different G.I Doctors, and basically, in their own nice Doctor ways, they said: they were not touching me with a ten foot pole LOL (Laugh out Loud).
I spent, that whole beginning of the week, trying to talk these Doctors in to cutting me open, and after the third day of every Doctor turning me down, things started looking pretty hopeless again, and I remember my Doctor came in on a Wednesday night, and I remembered thinking, boy he looks just as discouraged as I feel. LOL (Laugh out Loud) and he tells us, he has one more Doctor he wants us to talk to, but that this Doctor was a surgeon, we all knew, we needed this Doctor to say yes.
After he left, a nurse who has been taking care of me, since I was like ten years old, she is more like a friend than a nurse to me. She came in to see me, because she said she seen my Doctor leave my room, so she wanted an update on what was going on, so me and my mom told her what he said, and I remember her exact words, she looked at both me and my mom and said: Oh geez, ya know, I have a feeling your going to leave this Hospital, with no new answers and your going to end up going through this all over again.
After she left that night, I started praying, and just started crying out to GOD and said: I will not accept what she just said, you have got to make a way LORD, I said: I could not live the rest of my life-like this, that I was exhausted, and that something needed to break, enough was enough!!!!!!, that night I came across this song, find you on my knees, and when I heard the words to this song, I started crying all over again, because this song was exactly how I felt.
There is a verse in the song that says: WHEN MY HOPE IS GONE, WHEN THE FEAR IS STRONG, WHEN THE PAIN IS REAL, WHEN ITS HARD TO HEAL, WHEN MY FAITH IS SHAKEN AND MY HEART IS BROKEN AND MY JOY IS STOLEN, GOD I KNOW THAT, YOU LIFT ME UP, YOU NEVER LEAVE ME THIRSTY. FIND YOU IN THE PLACE I’M IN, FIND YOU WHEN I’M AT MY END, FIND YOU WHEN THERE”S NOTHING LEFT OF ME TO OFFER YOU EXCEPT FOR BROKENNESS, YOU LIFT ME UP, YOU NEVER LEAVE ME THIRSTY, WHEN I AM WEAK, WHEN I AM LOST AND SEARCHING, I FIND YOU AT MY KNEES!
That night, of me crying out to GOD, he guided me to this CD, (Where I find you, by Kari Jobe) and it had that song, find you on my knees, that entire album ministered to me so much. After I heard that song, I still had no clue what would happen, but for the first time, in a long time, I had PEACE,,I had that kind of PEACE I always talk about, the PEACE that passeth all understanding and I knew whatever happened, it be OK, because GOD had me in the palm of his hand.
That next day, that surgeon that I mentioned earlier, that one, that would be our last hope, he came in and he was very nice, but at the same time he was partly just as against the surgery as the rest of the Doctors I had seen, but there was one difference with him, he was like my primary Doctor and actually heard, and respected what I was saying and feeling.
He said to me, listen, I know I can do this, but I don’t know why you want to go through all this for nothing, and he went on to say, what the rest of the Doctors had said, that because nothing showed on my tests, it was very unlikely they would find something, and this surgery had a long recovery and was risky for someone like me. So I said to him, well listen, if you were me, and have gone through everything I’ve gone through and if you knew this was your last option, what would you do?
Would you have the surgery if you were in my shoes? and he said YES, and I said OK, than let’s do it. That next morning I went in to surgery, and I never was so excited for surgery LOL (Laugh out Loud) seriously I had such PEACE through the entire thing, the only time I cried a little, was when my mom left the surgery room. They always let my mom walk in to the surgery room with me, because they have her lay me on the Operating table, because their even scared to pick me up LOL (Laugh out Loud)
The reason I chose 2 Timothy 1:7 as my main scripture for this blog, is because that’s the scripture, GOD kept giving me any time I felt fear starting to take over. The part I hate most about surgery, is that first five minutes, when they start putting you out, you feel so weird, and that always scares me, so that whole time, I just kept saying, the LORD did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a SOUND MIND!!
A surgery that was supposed to take a little over an hour, took almost THREE HOURS!! because guess why????? LOL (Laugh out Loud). They found something!!!! because of all the past surgeries I’ve had on my stomach, and because of the fluid in my head draining in to my stomach, and me having the tubing to the shunt there, I had a bunch, and I mean a bunch!!! of Scar Tissue and Adhesion’s building up inside of my stomach, and it was literally, choking all my organs and my intestines, and the reason nothing showed on any of my tests, is because Scar Tissue and Adhesion’s, are the one thing, that will not show up on any tests.
It also though, usually never causes trouble for people, but it was causing trouble for me, because it was taking over the little room I had left in side of me, because like I told you all before, there is hardly no room for my organs as it is, and is like trying to fit ten pounds of flour in a five-pound bag. Well with the Scar Tissue and Adhesion’s there, it was like trying to fit 15 pounds of flour in a five-pound bag LOL (Laugh out Loud)
When that Surgeon came out of the Operating room, my entire family said, it looked like he just had come out of a war LOL (Laugh out Loud). Sadly things still ended up not being easy for me, because I ended up getting an infection right after surgery and had 103 to 104 fever and I ended up in the ICU for five or six days. When I came out of Surgery I was as sick as a dog obviously, but it was weird, because I remember thinking, I didn’t even need to talk to the Doctor to see if they did anything, I already knew they had.
Even though I felt like crap, I also felt amazing, I knew the second I came out, there was something different about my stomach, but it was a good thing.  I remember the first time I ate without feeling sick, it was amazing, I even posted it on my Facebook that day, I posted, today was the first time in three years I ate without getting sick!! I almost started crying because I was so happy, all I kept doing is thanking GOD.
The Doctors have warned me, that in their opinion, medically, they know that nauseated feeling will come back, because, number one they were not able to get all the Scar Tissue and Adhesions and secondly, the Scar Tissue and Adhesions, that they did get, will eventually grow back, in their opinions, and I will be honest, I have had a few stomach-ache’s every now and then already, since surgery, but all in all, im still nowhere near where I was, and even though the Doctors are saying, it’s all going to come back.
I do not have to except that, my real Physician, is my LORD JESUS CHRIST, and he says: no weapon formed against me shall prosper and that im HEALED IN HIS NAME So I am asking all of you, my, THE-BOOK-OF-ROO readers, to please keep me in prayer and stand in faith with me, and believe with me that, im covered by the blood, and nothing can nor will it touch me.
I am so thankful to rainbows babies and children’s hospital, and my primary Doctor and the Surgeon, I don’t know if they will ever see this, but if they do, Thank you so much, for taking that risk, that no one else was willing to take, and for believing in me!!!!!! if it were not for my Doctor never giving up on me, and that surgeon for willing to do surgery, I may not have even have been here today, because eventually what would have probably happened, is my organs, or at least one of them, would have probably started failing on me, or my appendix would have burst, because my appendix was already in really bad shape.
The LORD gave me this scripture today. psalm 27:1-4 The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
Like I always say, life’s a battle, it’s a war. The LORD never said life would be easy, why do you think the bible talks about war all the time, and describes the bible itself, as being a sword and our faith as being a shield and our salvation as being a breast-plate, because he knew how hard life would be, he knew we would be at war. but the prize we get in the end is so so worth it all.
Joshua 1:5 says: No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.  The LORD just gave me this scripture now.  This scripture tells us, no matter the struggles, no matter the trials, no matter the pain, he is there!!!! I may have went through HELL but in the end I arrived in heaven, and GOD has turned my sorrow in to JOY BABY, AND I AM GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember we are covered by the blood of JESUS!!!!!!!!!! and nothing, nothing, can touch the blood. I never fully understood how powerful that is, up until this past year.  Because GOD answered my prayer and gave me an answer on my stomach issues, has life been perfect? heck no, the day I got out of ICU my grandfather was being rushed in to ICU, and while I was trying to recover he ended up passing away!!!
So like I said, life is not easy, the day I came home from the hospital, I didn’t even get to enjoy it, because I ended up having to go to his funeral, and technically I was supposed to still be in the hospital for another four or five days, but I explained my situation and because I live not even five minutes from the hospital, they let me come home.
So like I said and been saying, life is not easy, I know, but all the pain, all the struggles, the heartache, its all worth it. Because each and every one of us have a destiny to fulfill. Colossians 3:15 says: And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
We are his Children, we need to get back to speaking LIFE over our selves. I heard this teaching the other day, this guy said: we get to caught up in to feelings and he’s right, we need to stop concentrating on how we feel and concentrate on what we know. Like I know im a child of GODS, and I know im in the palm of his hand, and I know im worth more than GOLD, because he has made me.
I know this website is part of my calling and my destiny that GOD has for me, so no matter how weak, and tired and even sick I feel, I push myself to write and I will continue to, because I know this is part of what GOD wants of me, and I only desire what he desires for me.
OK this blogs way to long so whatever I’ve left out, ill have to put in next week I guess LOL (Laugh out Loud). I do have a few short announcements before I end though.  Number one, THE-BOOK-OF-ROO, is back in action, so please start checking the site often, there will be lots of cool and exciting things to come, Number two, THE-BOOK-OF-ROO has its own magnet, it’s actually that picture above, I’m giving them out to anyone that wants them. my goal with these is to pass them out all over, so everyone will know about THE-BOOK-OF-ROO, so if anyone wants magnets to pass out, please contact me and ill mail them to you, no matter where your from. For now I’m only doing magnets, but eventually I would like to do other things, like maybe even a shirt 🙂 Also THE-BOOK-OF-ROO is going to continue making its own youtube video’s.
I hope you all enjoy the past video’s I’ve made. Number three, THE-BOOK-OF-ROO, since I love writing about Christian music so much, I may also start a page where I talk about Christian music and may even try interviewing some Christian artists. So like I said, lots of new and exciting things to come.
WELL I GUESS THAT’S IT FOR TODAY.  I AM SO SORRY THIS BLOG IS SO LONG, BUT I HAD NOT WROTE ANYTHING SINCE JULY, SO I HAD LOTS TO CATCH YOU UP ON, BUT I PROMISE, ILL NEVER, EVER MAKE YOU ALL READ THIS LONG OF A BLOG EVER AGAIN.   PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE ANY PRAYER REQUEST AT ALL, PLEASE DO NOT BE SHY, CLICK ON OUR PRAYER REQUEST PAGE, AND TELL US WHAT YOU NEED PRAYER FOR AND I ALONG WITH ALL THE-BOOK-OF-ROO READERS WILL BE PRAYING. WELL THAT’S IT FOR THIS WEEK, REMEMBER I AND MOST IMPORTANTLY JESUS LOVE YOU. GOD BLESS 🙂

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22 Comments on “FIND YOU ON MY KNEES”

  1. sue snoots Says:

    u truly r such an encouragement to
    the Body of Christ , Jackie. U war and u
    overcome!

    Like

  2. Melissa Says:

    I was so happy to see your post! I am sorry you have had such a rough time, however your words truly show how the strength of God and your Faith got you through, and that is a true inspiration!

    Like

  3. Kristen Says:

    That is a great idea to start a page on music! You should definately do that!

    Like

  4. DeeDee Says:

    Jackie, I am so sorry you were so sick and had such a rough winter! I am glad you are better now, stay that way! Tell your family hi from me. Take Care. DeeDee (Marilyn’s daughter).

    Like

  5. JACKIE Says:

    I FINALLY GOT VIDEO WORKING ALL. SO SORRY

    Like

  6. Tori Skye Says:

    Jackie, you are a true inspiration! It is so great to see the Lord working in your life, despite the cards you’ve been dealt with. But He made you the way you are for a reason, and you’re perfectly made to serve Him the just the way you are. Thank you so much for sharing your story so humbly and so honestly. I will be praying for your health, and that you will continue to seek the Lord through everything, both good and bad 🙂

    ~Tori

    Like

  7. Auntie Lori Says:

    I really enjoyed reading your story! You are an example of strength and courage to everyone! I do believe God is always there to take of us, you are proof of that!!!! I hope you continue to feel better, love you!

    Like

  8. Margarita Says:

    Great blog Jackie! You are so strong and such a inspiration. I will continue praying for you everyday. God bless 🙂

    Love,
    Margarita

    Like

  9. Vita Says:

    Inspiring. You are an amazing woman all the way around! Thank you again for sharing.
    v

    Like

  10. Carly Ann Says:

    you are an amazing woman of God Jackie! I am so encouraged by you, your strength and your faith! God is doing mighty works in and through you and I can’t wait to see where He is going to bring you!!! high places girl! stay strong! 🙂

    Like

  11. David Lartey Says:

    I’ve heard this song again and again but this testimony has given the song a new meaning in my life.

    Like


  12. Helpful information. Fortunate me I discovered your website accidentally, and
    I am shocked why this twist of fate didn’t happened in advance!
    I bookmarked it.

    Like


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